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THE ART OF BEING FORGOTTEN FT. WILL BYERS

// i had a dream about you - richard siken // scheherazade - richard siken // for the kids - langston hughes // family tree (intro) - ethel cain // the sun and her flowers - rupi kaur // wishbone - richard siken // fight or flight - conan gray // liability - lorde // mirror in the bathroom - the beat // my life is a parody of icarus' fall - this post //

being autistic is beautiful and then you're afraid of abandonment because your brain has picked up on the exact patterns that signal another loss and then you step outside and there are patterns in the sky in the grass in every touch and every laugh. someone looks at you and there is a shift in their gaze to tell you "i know you're wrong. you are something wrong." something between pity and embarrassment and you want to rip it out of your body for a second and then you listen to music and the euphoria makes it all worth it because they could never experience this joy. you're sky-high. you look in the mirror and your eyes appear inexplicably vacant and then you read about how so many autistic kids are cleverer than everyone else as children and then the opposite afterwards. at a certain age you equalise. you grow sharper teeth and you bite off more than you can chew and you chew it all anyway. there's spring in the air and your brain functions like a scattergraph and when you think about it hard enough it's impossible not to fall in love. if you're an alien you're a lovely one. one day you fall in love and you know it's more intense than it should be but you love her anyway, knowing how it will end. are you invented for grief? are you invented for love, carrying grief?

truthfully being autistic puts a gun full of love to your head. i will always be a little bit more alone than everyone else but the shades of green seperate into a spectrum of feeling and this schematic of an engine is a poem to progress and every song i love is a holy hymn and when your brain is a scattergraph, once you love something, you love everything. you're more alone than everyone else and the least lonely creature on earth, even in isolation.

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

The Map and The Painting

Ohhhh boy if there's one thing about me it's that I'm gonna pick up on some poetic symbolism that honestly maybe wasn't even intended but I'm gonna talk about it to my heart's content anyway!!! Considering how the Duffers talk about the van scene though... And how long they spent filming it... Maybe it was intended. Who knows? I certainly don't!

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... The Duffers weren't even subtle about Milkvan being bones this season.

(lights flicker menacingly when El is using anger and sadness as the source of her power)

THIS .. is what lights look like when Eleven is channeling love as the source of her power:

A gradual flickering, followed by an incredible surge of energy and white light.

Going into S5, Milkvan serves no purpose for El's storyline anymore because the relationship does power her by making her sad and angry, but she's lacking the love part which is what ultimately unleashes her whole potential.

If they had truly wanted to make Mike's love confession feel like this epic moment that powered her with something other than sadness and anger like Milkvans want to believe, they would've done what they did with Will's in S2. It wasn't just Mike it was also Joyce and Jonathan there giving him courage. So it would've been Mike's confession last and then this incredible surge of energy and white light around them the moment she breaks free from the vines and defeated Vecna.

It's so BLATANT that they chose to directly PARALLEL these two scenes to show the contrast of the outcome.

S2: Mike confesses to Will and the heroes win.
S4: Mike confesses to El and the heroes lose.

The season the heroes lose is when they chose Mike to give Eleven a love confession that powered her enough to break free but not enough to defeat the evil once and for all, which was the ultimate goal. Mike himself is aware of this.

Now ... ONTO BYLER S5 SYMBOLISM ... but that's another longer post because I have so many feelings about this. Symbolism, my beloved.

i love sunny days and hate cops. reblog if you love bisexuals

i love rainy days and hate landlords. reblog if you love lesbians

diversity win! the teenagers burying your body in the desert and exchanging longing glances over your grave are gay

I was not built for this (getting out of bed)

neither was i built for this (going to bed at a reasonable hour)